Thread: Jokes, Have a laugh

I don't have a drinking problem. People without arms have a drinking problem...

Originally Posted by Soulreap3r

I don't have a drinking problem. People without arms have a drinking problem...

Would it really stop you though... think about it

Originally Posted by LuMpY

Would it really stop you though... think about it

Reread what he said and let the light shine on your noob moment....

I don't have a drinking problem, drinking is easy. I have a sober problem

gamatjie's father catches him snorting a powdery substance behind the
shed.

"gamatjie!!" he yells, "what's that stuff you're sticking in your nose?
It had better not be cocaine!"

"don't worry, papa" says gamatjie . "it's only kool-aid."

"kool-aid? Why would you want to stick kool-aid up your nose?"

"because i've got a cold," sniffs gamatjie .

"well, kool-aid isn't going to get rid of your cold, my boy."

"i know, papa", says gamatjie. "but at least it makes my snot taste
lekker."

rofl

Cure for a Bad Day


When you have an 'I Hate My Job day'


Try this out:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy
and go to the thermometer section and
purchase a rectal thermometer made
by Johnson & Johnson.

Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors,
draw the curtains and disconnect the phone
so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.
Open the package and remove the thermometer.
Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become
chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins.

Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully.
You will notice that in small print there is a statement:


"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and

then sanitized."

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,' I am so glad I do not
work in the thermometer quality control department at
Johnson & Johnson.'

HAVE A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT
IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE ASS THAN YOURS!
..Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your
heart....

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit.9 Iron"

The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup.

He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog replies "Ribbit. Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit. 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one.

The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog reply, "Ribbit. Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit. Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks,"What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit.$3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 17-year-old girl.

"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."

A woman has just given birth and there were complications with the newborn baby, who was taken away by the doctors. The woman waits nervously for news of her new son. The doctor arrives with a forlorn look on his face. "I have some good news, and some bad news", he says. "What's the bad news?" the woman asks. "Well" begins the doctor, "your son, he, he was born with red hair, he is a ginger." The woman gasps in shock and begins crying. "what's the good news then doctor?" The doctors smiles, "he isn't breathing".

A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church.

He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.

There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.

He hears the priest come in and says: "Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".

The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side!!"